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    Dating exes

    During moments when the future looks daunting, our vulnerability can cause us to crave comfort and seek connection with someone familiar. Our nature, values, and principles generally stay the same throughout our entire lives.

    Understandably, the latest significant connection with an ex seems to be the answer to that lonely, empty feeling inside. While our perspectives and life vision can shift, for the most part we have a core way of being that has been engrained through repetition, which makes it awfully hard to change, as we grow older.

    Unless for some odd reason your bestie is 100 percent OK with it, even considering her ex automatically qualifies you as a bad friend. I love my friends, but sharing the same sex partner as them just doesn't strike me as a turn on. You've heard every terrible thing that they did to your best friend.

    That goes without saying, but since some seem to forget this, it bears repeating.

    Some reports indicate the relationship between the married couple was already over by the time Cowell moved in. While many details remain unknown, this revelation raises a question: Is your friend’s ex always off-limits?

    “If your friend is totally over his ex, has no romantic feelings for her, and wouldn’t mind being around the two of you socially, that could work,” muses Nina Atwood, author of “Temptations of the Single Girl.” “But look at all the conditions that have to be met!

    Suddenly all the issues, turbulence and fights from the past seem to fade away into this new found appreciation for your previous love. We are a sum of our habits and our patterns have been reinforced through time.

    Changing those habits are possible, but it doesn’t happen overnight.

    We met up recently, and it turned out, like with most things, to be a matter of miscommunication. I thought it was understood that exes are off limits to best friends, or hell, even good friends. Here's the thing: I don't ever want to date my ex again.

    “Even if the two of them have split, emotions take a while to heal, so it’s unlikely that the friend is going to be okay with it.” But not all relationship experts see it this way.

    “It’s ok to move in if they are estranged and no longer in love and divorcing,” says matchmaker Marla Martenson. It could be right under your nose, and circumstances have to shift for things to evolve.” As Martenson points out, “It’s a delicate situation, but why let a potential love match get away?

    The reality is that it’s just too weird and uncomfortable for most people to want to deal with.” Therapist Karen Sherman agrees.

    “The only time it might be okay is if your friend has moved on to another relationship,” she says.

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