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    Dating someone with anger management issues

    If you have a hot temper, you may feel like it’s out of your hands and there’s little you can do to tame the beast. Fact: While it’s true that suppressing and ignoring anger is unhealthy, venting is no better.

    But you have more control over your anger than you think. Anger is not something you have to “let out” in an aggressive way in order to avoid blowing up.

    These men are generally highly reluctant clients, who are often in your office only because they've gotten "the ultimatum" from their wives or girlfriends or bosses or sometimes court judges: "Get therapy for your anger or get out / you're fired / you'll go to jail." Many, considered by everyone who knows them to have an "anger problem," arrive in your office convinced that they don' problem is their stupid coworkers, annoying girlfriends, demanding spouses, spoiled kids, or unfair probation officers.

    However, they arrive at your office with a shotgun at their backs, so to speak, and know they have no choice.

    When you have a legitimate reason to get angry, such as hearing about a perceived injustice, anger is part of a healthy emotional life and can be managed in a fairly straightforward manner.

    Each person is more or less familiar with this emotion and has to develop some mechanism for dealing with it around others.

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    If you've worked with angry male clients, you can understand why.

    If your kneejerk reaction to anger is to explode, however, that message never has a chance to be conveyed.

    So, while it’s perfectly normal to feel angry when you’ve been mistreated or wronged, anger becomes a problem when you express it in a way that harms yourself or others.

    The good news is that getting anger under control is easier than you think.

    With insight about the real reasons for your anger and these anger management tools, you can learn to keep your temper from hijacking your life. Like any emotion, it’s conveying a message, telling you that a situation is upsetting, or unjust, or threatening.

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