While being street-smart can help you avoid making the same mistake the next time, "It can also keep you so hyper alert to possible problems that you don't give yourself to a relationship," Schoen says. Work with a therapist to understand how and why you picked your failed marriage.
I’ve been thinking about all my relationships, both successful and not so successful, and I’ve come to the conclusion that a good start determines the further outcome of your relationship.
Try to avoid calling him every hour or typing romantic messages if you’ve just started dating.
Guys love when a girl can take the first step, but they cannot stand when the girl is persistent or even annoying. Avoid these two extremes and find the golden mean in your communication.
Some of the spouses simply guessed (e.g.,"Ernie would never use a credit card! Others had to write about a typical day in their partner's life, and then "put themselves in his or her shoes" before predicting (e.g., "Ernie works so hard all day at the bank, and he resents even paying five dollars for lunch; he would never use a credit card.") The result: Those who tried to imagine the other's perspective were less accurate than those who winged it—confirming Epley's real-life experience of giving his dolphin-loving wife a day of caring for the animals at the aquarium, not realizing that, since she'd just had a baby, she would not enjoy the binding, full-body wetsuit.
While understanding that your partner may have a different take than you is helpful, he writes in Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want, you don't always imagine your partner's actual "different take." The best way to get your partner's point of view, he says, is to simply—oh yes, you saw this coming—ask for it.