Whether it’s where I’m eating, where I’m traveling or, God forbid, something I’m buying, like a lot of people in my generation—those in their 20s and 30s—I feel compelled to do a ton of research to make sure I’m getting every option and then making the best choice.
If this mentality pervades our decisionmaking in so many realms, is it also affecting how we choose a romantic partner?
But then again, I was still in love with my own boyfriend too. I was in love with two people and I was ecstatic with the fact that I had two people who loved me back!
But I didn’t ever assume I was in love with two people, I just knew I was cheating on both of them.
You like someone a lot, you find them attractive, and you’re sexually excited to be with them, and bam! It’s ridiculous to assume you can’t fall in love with two people.
Many teenagers and even lovers in committed relationships feel threatened when they find themselves in love with two people. You really don’t love your partner any less just because you find yourself falling in love with someone new.
If you don’t feel good about yourself, you will never truly believe that someone else can love you and you will constantly be on the lookout for the other shoe to drop, for the guy you care about to leave, thus validating the fact that you are unworthy of love.
At that point of time in my life, I couldn’t accept that anyone could ever fall in love with two people at the same time. But when I look back, I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Can a person fall in love with two people at the same time? At the same time, love is not and has never been a once in a lifetime experience.
The question nagged at me—not least because of my own experiences watching promising relationships peter out over text message—so I set out on a mission.
I read dozens of studies about love, how people connect and why they do or don’t stay together.
I remember experiencing the same conflicting feelings a few years ago while I was in a relationship with my boyfriend (now ex! He had to travel to conduct his research for a year and a half, and there I was, all alone and waiting for him to return.
And incidentally, I met another guy whom I really liked. A month later, I was madly in love with this new guy I had met.